do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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