I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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