Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
