I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
