She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You did what with his pubic hair?
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