just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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