That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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