Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
