im six kinds of drunk right now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
