If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
