My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
