she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
