She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
