GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
