wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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