Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
