I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
