woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
