Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
