Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
