Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
