so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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