Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
