You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
