if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
