It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
