so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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