I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I will pee on everything he values.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
