some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
