I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
