I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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