I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
