I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
