Your mouth is God's brothel.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
