The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
