Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I forget how to act sober
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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