I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize