ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
