I think i peed on brittanys purse
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
