So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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