TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
