At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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