I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
