If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
