If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
