I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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