She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
