sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize