Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize