You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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