WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
