Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
