Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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