Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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