She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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