Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
