Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize