I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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