the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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