I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize