plz talk dirty to me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
