I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
