Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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