I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
