i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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