and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
