I can text with my tongue
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize