Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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