Whod you bang
plz talk dirty to me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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