his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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