just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
