Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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