my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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