she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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