you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
