This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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