I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize