she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize