I wish my penis had an off switch
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize