I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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