I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
