you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
