i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize