theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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