Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
