I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
