Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
