just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
