Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize