I smell stomach acid.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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