We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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