I should be sponsored by Trojan
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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