This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
