Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
