i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
