Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
